It’s Saturday morning. The first day of our weekend. Shaun is visiting his grandparents. It’s cold outside. It was warm in bed. The perfect opportunity to sleep in.
Perfect except for one little thing. At 5:00 a.m. my brain told me it was time to wake from my slumber. It was as though I had set an alarm. I knew beyond knowing that I was awake. Wide awake. There would be no sleeping in today. No reprieve from my typical early morning.
So, like every other morning, here I sit, starting my daily routine with coffee, prayer, and meditation.
Oh, there was once a time when sleeping in on a Saturday came easy. My brain had no intention of trying to wake me up when I was young. Then children came along. The responsibilities that accompanied their presence in the home made sleeping in seem wrong. There was always much to do, so I would rise early on weekend mornings and get to it.
Of course, back then “early” was more like 7:30 or 8:00. My brain has continued to move the concept of early backwards, demanding that I begin my days earlier and earlier over time.
Thankfully, I have learned to accept the alarm clock in my brain. I choose not to fight it. Instead, when it tells me to rise and shine, I do. Of course some days I shine more brightly than others, but I give it my best anyway.
It’s funny, but I never sit around on a Saturday morning wishing I could have slept longer. I’ve come to not only accept my early-to-rise fate, but to appreciate it even. After all, this is my time. A time of day when I can be a bit selfish. When I can reflect on my life, especially the last 24 hours, and prepare for the next.
Part of each morning is that time of meditation during which I simply remain still and listen for my God to speak. No, I don’t ever actually hear a voice. I do, however, sense His presence and guidance. As I write, that guidance comes better into focus. If I am really paying attention, writing what I feel led to right, the message of my words is for me. My writing becomes a reminder of His grace. His power. His love.
This morning is no different. As I have written, I have become increasingly aware of the reasons I have to be grateful for the alarm clock in my head. Grateful for these quiet mornings to myself. Grateful for the opportunity to be present, and to be alive.
In the time since I last put drugs in my body, my brain has undergone some radical reprogramming. Through working the steps of Narcotics Anonymous, application of spiritual principles in my life, and by praying and meditating, my brain has changed. The obsessive thoughts of using drugs have faded.
I’ve been at this morning routine of writing for over 400 days in a row now. I don’t know how long I’ll keep doing it. I need to continue to seek God’s will in this area of my recovery. I need to be open to change, and practice acceptance if He should ever direct me to it.
In the meantime, I’ll continue with my daily ritual. I’ll accept that sleeping in is a thing of the past. I’ll be faithful to the new life to which I’ve been called. After all, it allows me to…
Have a remarkable day!