Addiction, NA, Narcotics Anonymous, Recovery, Spiritual Principles, Twelve Steps

Forgiveness… What Timing

Forgiveness? Really? Today?

I’ve spent much of the last week angry and disappointed. It started with anger and disappointment directed at another person. I felt completely betrayed. Completely helpless. Even a bit hopeless.

This anger and disappointment became excuses I apparently had been looking for to act out on character defects, and act out I did. I expressed my emotions in a flurry of harsh words and sweeping accusations. I felt wronged, and I let it be known. The sting of betrayal, whether real or perceived, was met with a much harsher response.

At the time, I felt such a betrayal would be unforgivable. How would I ever be able to forgive such an offense? A line had been drawn, and so a battle began. Forget about spiritual principles, I wanted, I wanted…

What did I want?

Did I really want revenge? Did I really want to alienate someone who has loved me and stood by my side through so many dark days? Did I want to punish her? Did I really say those things to my own daughter?

Oh no. How could I? How could I bring so much pain to my little girl? These questions and more are haunting me this morning. So of course my principle for the day would have to be forgiveness.

Forgiveness applies to so many areas of this situation. I need to forgive her for any wrongs done. I need forgiveness from her for the hurtful things I have said. I need to forgive myself too, for acting out on my character defects, again.

Forgiveness will also require future actions. Proper boundaries need to be established so we can have a stronger and healthier relationship. Truth must be at the center of every communication. Trust must be re-established. Grace must be applied to it all, because we are both human.

So, today forgiveness will be at the front of my thoughts and deeds. It will, I hope, be the start of that stronger and healthier relationship we both want.

There is so much work left to be done in my life. Just not using drugs is not sufficient. It’s only the start. The new way of life I seek requires daily maintenance and unwavering vigilance. This past week has made me all too aware of how urgent the need really is.

Have a remarkable day!

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