It’s one thing to practice acceptance when everything is going well in life. After all, successes are easy to handle. They do not test my faith. Rather, successes tend to encourage my faith.
What about those times of failure or disappointment? The way I accept the bad times in life are the true measure of my level of acceptance. The true level of my spiritual growth.
This morning I am licking the wounds of disappointment. No, I didn’t relapse. I didn’t give in to the easy escape offered by drugs. If I have learned anything over the past two years, it’s that drugs will only make a bad situation worse.
So yes, I’m clean this morning, but that doesn’t relieve the pain I feel. In my disappointment, in my anger, my self-will showed itself once again. Rather than applying spiritual principles to my disappointment, I applied harsh words and said the kind of things I used to say when I was using.
Today may be a new day, but it did not start with the enthusiasm most days bring. Rather, today I just feel broken. Broken in my heart by both the events that led to my disappointment, and broken in my heart by my response.
So, today I get to practice acceptance. God knew my need for today when He set that principle up as the focus of my day. I will accept the disappointment. I will also accept that I’m not doing as well as I thought I was. That my efforts to be guided by spiritual principles continue to need work.
I can even be grateful for this disappointment. Grateful that it showed me the work that is yet to be done in my life. Grateful that it happened last night, when I was surrounded by love from Amanda and Shaun, instead of being alone to deal with my emotions.
There is no promise that this matter will be favorably resolved. No promise that the hurts will be healed. All I can do is to try and correct the part I played in the situation. I can and must handle it better today. I’ll start with practicing acceptance. Responding with love rather than reacting out of anger. Seeking God’s will for the situation rather than my own.
The message of Narcotics Anonymous is simple. An addict, any addict, can stop using drugs, lose the desire to use, and find a new way to live. The new way of life is a journey, not a destination. Today I’m reminded that this journey continues.
Have a remarkable day.